The Face That Launched A Thousand Fics
by Lasgalendil
Summary: Bill Amend said it best: Orlando Bloom has ruined everything. A humorous, ranting essay on Peter Jackson destroying the character of the Fellowship's only Elf.


Peter Jackson hates Legolas. No, really. Peter Jackson hates Legolas.

What's that you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fight scene, fight scene, fight scene, cool stunt, close up on those baby blues. You're probably thinking right now that Peter Jackson loves Legolas. Peter Jackson is Legolas' biggest fanboy. Peter Jackson is Legolas' bitch!

…Think again.

* * *

Let's examine the evidence.

Canon story arc: redemption

Legolas' mercy—or "pity"—allows Gollum to escape

Legolas is sent to Rivendell where he meets the Fellowship members for the first time, and likely Lord Elrond and his sons and daughter as well. (Book Legolas has no idea if the Galadhrim still inhabit Lórien—and Arwen was living there less than 70 years ago. If he doesn't even know if his kinsmen are still in Middle-earth, it's unlikely he's had any contact with the outside world, let alone Elves related to Galadriel and Celeborn—his father's kinsman.)

Legolas is appointed by Elrond to accompany the Fellowship—since he is heading in much the same direction anyways—with no oath sworn to follow Frodo any further than he desires.

Legolas can tell that Hollin used to be inhabited by Elves.

Legolas makes a joke at Caladhras about Elves going to find the sun. (In an original draft, he jokes about the idea of a tame dragon—likely edited out due to the fact that he would have been influenced by Smaug and the resulting Battle of Five Armies, and a dragon joke would be in poor taste, or because Legolas in these earlier versions was perhaps more playful due to a very very young age?)

Legolas shoots the warg chief with a flaming arrow. It's pretty damn bad-ass. Legolas has to repeatedly collect his arrows—except the burnt one.

Legolas is against the idea of Moria.

Legolas is probably illiterate, at least of Feanorian script. He recognizes the trees of the High Elves, but is unable to help solve even the most basic of riddles when the answer is staring him in the face in his own tongue [Exillic dialect Sindarin vs. Sindarinized Sylvan/pure Sindarin]. This is most likely because Thingol of Doriath banned the language of the Noldor, and his grandfather and father would have grown up under that ban. His grandfather also left Lorien due most likely his disdain of Galadriel's power-hungriness and her Noldorin heritage. His grandfather also marched south with an army of thousands and his father returned with less than 1/3 at the end of the war of the ring, Mirkwood taking the heaviest Elven losses of the entire campaign…all on the first day with the first charge. Legolas doesn't sing any songs of Beleriand or the Noldor (such as Luthien), but instead sings of Nimrodel, who also abandoned Lorien after Galadriel and her cultural influences came. There was little love lost between Mirkwood and Lorien, despite Celeborn and Oropher being close relatives.

Legolas and Gimli have a disagreement—Gandalf asks them to be friends

[Legolas in early versions is off exploring the pool when the Watcher attacks—he is the last through the door, and only escapes the clutches of the Watcher when Gimli pulls him to safety, beginning their friendship. It also suggests a much more curious, explorative Elf, perhaps indicating he is very young or at least untraveled.]

It appears that Legolas fails to hear Gollum even though Frodo does—perhaps it's the Ring giving the Hobbit supernatural hearing powers—or he tells Gandalf only OR keeps the matter solely to himself.

Gimli sings a song about Moria, his people's original homeland. [Legolas' paternal culture was destroyed in Doriath by 1) dwarves and 2) Noldor.]

Legolas is visibly anxious in the chambers of Marzubal—he startles in surprise and shouts "we cannot get out!" (Of note, so does Gimli)

Legolas stands behind the fellowship to shoot trolls…then quails in terror and literally wails "Ai, ai, a Balrog! A Balrog has come!" And motherfucking DROPS HIS BOW.

[In an earlier manuscript, he is shot by an orc through the shoulder and has to crawl across the bridge of Khazad-dum, and Gimli picks up his bow to defend the company but it's too large for him to use. Somehow this feels more dignified.]

An earlier manuscript has Legolas and Sam follow Frodo and Gimli to look into Mirrormere. (That's right-Tolkien goes out of his way in the final draft not to make their relationship too _overt_. He cuts hand-holding, rescues, and cultural dates...and a line about them "merry-making" in Minas Tirith for obvious reasons. It was the 1950's, Alan Turing had just committed suicide the year before RotK's release.)

Legolas leads the Fellowship to Lorien, possibly the land of his mother's kin (his is a SILVANIZED Sindarin name, rather than the usual Sindarinized Silvan) and sings them a song about losing homeland and love, the Lay of Nimrodel, which he sings in the common tongue rather than an Elvish dialect.

Legolas allows to Gimli that perhaps it wasn't the fault of the dwarves, but that evil still came with the Balrog to Moria.

Legolas tells the Hobbits to dig holes or learn to climb trees.

Legolas loves new types of trees.

Legolas is scared shitless by the Galadhrim.

Legolas is told by Haldir to "have an eye on that dwarf", and makes no comment.

Legolas and Gimli get into a row about blindfolds, Aragorn intervenes and makes them all go blindfolded.

[There is a throw away line in an earlier draft where Legolas, upon being asked by bewildered Elves how he came to be blindfolded, explains he's merely showing a Dwarf that it IS possible to walk without the use of one's eyes.]

Legolas laments that racism and old mistrusts mean he can't see trees.

Legolas can withstand Galadriel's gaze.

Legolas spends much of his time abroad, sleeps away, only eats with the company, begins to take Gimli with him "wondered at the change".

Legolas consoles Gimli about the loss of Lorien…without knowing how Dwarf culture works.

Legolas is given a new long bow.

Legolas paddles with Gimli.

Legolas either fails to see, neglects to say, or only tells a character besides Frodo that Gollum is following then down Anduin (Aragorn realizes it, for instance).

Legolas saves the Fellowship from the Nazgul at the Sarn Gebir, prays to Elbereth for courage and takes "a mighty shot in the dark", killing the Fell Beast.

Legolas would prefer to go to Minas Tirith with Boromir than strike out for Mordor.

Legolas and Gimli take off in a panic together the moment they realize Frodo is missing.

 **~End Fellowship of the Ring~**

* * *

In PJ's version, Legolas does not have any news for the Fellowship concerning Gollum. Gandalf alludes to finding Gollum, but not to placing him with the Elves for safe keeping.

In PJ's version, Legolas is all up in Boromir's business about "Aragorn"…who Boromir would have never heard of by that name, and even then, it is assumed in Gondor that the Northern kin of Isildur's line have gone extinct "that line was broken". Why is this Elf from the most insular, isolated, and last true Elf "Kingdom" so intent on Aragorn's right to the throne? It is possible he met Aragorn before after the Hunt for Gollum, but would Strider have shared his true identity—and after 40 years, would Legolas recognize him? And would they have remained bffs?

[Let's not even dignify that line of Thranduil's in PJ's _The Hobbit: The Battle Of Legolas vs. Bats vs. Trolls Vs. Orcs_ where he tells his son to go find an 8 year-old boy named "Strider".]

In PJ's version, Legolas antagonizes Boromir "have you heard nothing", rather than being awkward and apologetic/defensive of his losing Gollum.

In PJ's version, Legolas and Gimli begin fighting immediately, although Legolas does try to stop the arguments between their two species.

In PJ's version, Legolas volunteers for the Fellowship, swearing an oath "you have my bow".

In PJ's version, Legolas and Gimli have a row before Moria, but Gandalf doesn't intervene or ask them to be friends, and it is not a cultural/historic incident but a mere racial aside.

In PJ's version, Legolas shoots the Watcher.

In PJ's version, Legolas looks nervous, but doesn't jump in horror or shout "we cannot get out!"

In PJ's version, he climbs a chain to kill a troll by shooting it through the top of it's skull—the thickest part of it's bone. STUPID. Then he kills the troll with arrows to the throat.

In PJ's version, he looks intense with a close up when the Balrog arrives, and it's clear he's the only one besides Gandalf who really knows what the heck is happening. He doesn't wail or drop his bow.

[He saves Boromir. Adorable.]

He—despite knowing the danger—doesn't tell Aragorn not to stay back to attempt to fight the Balrog?

Aragorn, not Legolas leads them to Lothlorien. Legolas tells no tales, sings no songs, and doesn't get to climb any trees. He never tells Gimli that perhaps it wasn't the Dwarves fault.

The blindfolding and argument aren't mentioned.

He flat out states "a Balrog of Morgoth" to Galadriel and Celeborn. We only see Boromir unable to look at her long, rather than a focus on Legolas being the only able to look.

He walks around in pj's holding jars, but we don't see him and GImli begin to be friends

He helps Gimli into their boat with a hand.

He receives a bow from Galadriel.

He has a cool convo with Gimli and smiles. Daw.

There is no Sarn Gebir.

He hears approaching Uruks...but apparently can't hear Gollum?

His spidey sense is tingling. There is no discussion of Minas Tirith.

We don't see him and Gimli run off together, only approach and save Aragorn.

There is no trying to deduce where Frodo went, no 'great detectives'.

No songs, no real Boromir funeral (notice no one suggests burning the body).

The bow in question that he first kills wargs with, shoots the watcher with, shoots orcs and tries to shoot trolls with then panics and drops at the sight of the Balrog is switched out for a new one as a gift from Galadriel…in the books, it gives him the courage/power to shoot down the Fell Beast/Nazgul over Sarn Gebir. In the movies, it gives him the power to fail to kill the beserking Uruk-hai who suicides and destroys the Deeping Wall. BUT IT'S STILL THE GIFT GALADRIEL GAVE HIM, SO…narratively speaking, he was SUPPOSED to hold Helm's Deep and failed. Galadriel sent Haldir (in the books Arwen sends a horse, a handwoven standard, and her two brothers with HALbarad [easy enough mistake, their names are practically identical] after the HD battle was over, but in Rohan nonetheless…) to "fight alongside men once more" (even last time, most of Haldir's kin were among those who were terribly killed) and they all die (Halbarad dies in the books)…which means she sent Legolas the bow to keep everyone safe…and he missed the only shot that mattered. That's right, the way PJ's narration is set up, Legolas' entire story arc is about how he inadvertently killed Haldir and every other fucking Elf in the entire second movie while holding the bow equivalent of Excalibur.

[Fast forward to The Hobbit, where he also fails to kill Bolg with a) the bow and arrows he could've killed him dead with from where he was standing and b) _actual_ Excalibur—is this PJ foreshadowing, er, preshadowing? And where he's made the butt of a runs out of arrows joke, when he does nothing but scour for arrows after the warg fight in Fellowship and explicitly lament the inability to glean more during the Battle of Helm's Deep when all his are spent.]

* * *

In the books, Legolas' major story arc revolves around his failures—he fails to keep Gollum, he fails to maintain his calm in Moria, he fails to recognize how racism might destroy the quest and all of Middle-earth...then he succeeds. He befriends the dwarf. And only after that is he permitted to have successes—he kills the Fell Beast over Sarn Gebir when before he'd dropped his bow in terror before a Balrog.

Book Legolas hasn't seen an Elf/Dwarf friendship/romance before. He is as astounded as Gimli is to see the Trees of the High Elves and the Hammer of Durin on the doors of Moria together. He _initiates_ it.

In PJ's version, this entire failure to success plot is entirely removed.

In PJ's version, his friendship or romance with Gimli is retconned to be because of Tauriel and Kíli. In The Desolation of Smaug, he purposefully bullies Glóin, insulting his wife and child. He antagonizes both Boromir and Gimli in _Fellowship_. In _The Two Towers_ he insults the old, young, weak and crippled Rohirrim at Helm's Deep to their faces, and fails to kill the only Uruk-hai that matters...and we're supposed to forgive him because he hauls Aragorn and Gimli's asses up on a rope? I think not. In _The Return of the King_ , he offers to slay a Maia on the advice of an angry Dwarf, and is the only member of the remaining Fellowship who doesn't get a reaction shot when Mount Doom goes up in smoke. Like, seriously. Even Gimli gets one.

Oh, and Faramir gets to shoot the Fell Beast.

And Aragorn gets to speak Elvish to calm a horse of the Rohirrim.

No prophecy. No gulls.

No one gawks at him and Gimli wandering around Minas Tirith like best buds/lovers and comments on how weird it is. We don't see him and Gimli going off to Fangorn together. In fact, we never see their pact to travel together made at all. Instead, last we see of Legolas is him eye-fucking Aragorn before Arwen shows up. Because that's right, folks. What audiences really need rather than at least a subtext of a queer, interracial relationship is yet another story about white, cis hetero love between a conventionally attractive dude and underdeveloped chick.

…basically, PJ robbed Legolas both of his narrative purpose, and his originality. He is literally reduced to nothing but a pretty face who furthers Aragorn's plot and has none of his own. Also, he's a jerk who sucks at his job. Constantly. Not to mention PJ changed his eye color every scene, perhaps spawning the insurgence of terrible fanfics with elleths (ellyth, bitches. If you're going to abuse Sindarin grammar and culture at least to it right, damnit!) with multicolored eyes.

In short, Peter Jackson really, really, I mean _really_ hates him.


End file.
